The Perfect Kenyan Wife

“No one be like you
See I don go different places, I’ve seen many faces
No one be like you
So they cannot replace you, coz you are a blessing
No one be like you
You driving me crazy coz you are my baby
No one be like you
No one
No one like you
One like you
No one
One like you”

P-Square- No One Be Like You

There comes a time when a man decides to settle down and get married. Ladies, there’s a big difference between the woman I want to go out and party with, and the woman I want to MARRY! Just because I have tones of fun with you, doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you! Men look for something different between a party girl and a woman who is “marriage material”! The way I see it, some women are at a distinct ADVANTAGE when it comes to being marriage material! Her TRIBE always counts for something! YES… I am going all tribal today! Men, here is the ultimate guide as to which tribe has the best “marriage material women!” I suggest all guys sit back and prepare a “raid” on a certain community, and all women, start changing your story lines and INSIST that your grandmother was from the tribe I think has the best bet for the perfect Kenyan woman.

The Kalenjin Woman.

These are women who will Love You with all their hearts and minds! They will be loyal and will accept you as the one and only! Guys, you may think this is the best… but you are so mistaken. The day she ever finds you with another woman, she will take all her kids and jump into the nearest river! They are too emotional and are not rational in their ways! They are the ultimate drama queens. Women from North Rift-Eldoret region- can not only run faster than their husbands, but they are known to be outright lazy and love the ways of the bottle a bit too much! They are famous for their love of Guinness Kubwa. Guys, if you were thinking of making in roads into Kale-land, then I’m sorry to disappoint you! Make a turn NOW before it’s too late! As for the sex… JUST MISSIONARY and you will never go experimental on her!

The Luhya Woman

Lets face it… these are the Ugali queens themselves! They will feed you on Porridge for breakfast, Ugali for Lunch and more Ugali in the evening. Only difference is that the lunch time Ugali, will be softer than the evening Ugali. They are big bodied plus sized women. Before you start packing for a trip to Kakamega, let me burst your bubble! If you marry a mama from western be prepared for the following THREE terms… 1- You must be willing to live in the same house as domestic animals like Chickens. 2- You must be willing to attend a funeral almost every weekend. Somehow, a cousin/uncle/nephew/niece pops dead every month! 3- You must be willing to indefinitely host relatives… from brothers in law, to her primary school teacher’s son’s wife!… Lughya mamas have some strange vibe about joining weird religions! They will one day wake up in the middle of the night and start casting out demons! They will then proceed to sing and chant at 3 a.m! Don’t be surprised if one day she wakes up and says she’s going with the church for a two year mission to Jerusalem! Her church-which will normally have a strange name like “House of the great kingdom of Judah” or “Nearest To Jesus Christ Church”- will say they sell all their property because god spoke to the pastor and instructed them to go for pilgrimage or that the world is ending and they should be assembled in Bethlehem or they will be left behind!

The Luo Woman.

If the quantity of sex is what matters in your life…if you like well endowed women… then this is just the one woman you might be tempted to go for! They are always willing to give it up and the booty they have on display always dazzles the eye! These women are hard working, intelligent and dress very well. If however, you are not a Luo, please stay away from her! They have a tendency to still go back to Luo Men even after they get married! They tend to be “big bodied”-lets face it…they are FAT-and they will like clubbing even in old age! They are the type you will find at the carnivore for Crunk Night on a Saturday at 2 am! They like the good life! A difference exists between the women of South Nyanza and their counterparts from Central Nyanza! If she’s from Migori Region, she’s an SDA and will wear some kitambaa on her head. She will not give up sex too often, but when she does…it’s an all night affair! From Central Nyanza, they are more flamboyant. More in your face kind of women. They are domineering and will not shy away from punching their husbands to a pulp! Unless you are a Kung-Fu master, kindly keep off! Does Conje ring a bell???

The Kikuyu Woman.

So much has been said about them I wonder if there’s little left to say! The women from Karatina are said to “sit” on their husbands! They are blocks in terms of body structure! They are very pretty on face value, but… the rest of their body is just one block! Husbands of Karatina women are said to have turned to the drink as a result of frustrations! They are the ones famous for the saying “nifunike ukimaliza!” Our own Ka-Roocay,Karua are said to hail from this region! Then comes the mama from Kiambu/Thika… My friend, marry her and have a will in place. You’ve never heard how men die in these are codes? A huge rock fell from the sky on to a brother, or he “fell” into the pit latrine… Chances of living to see old age diminish rapidly when you marry a Kiambu/Thika woman. I hear even insurance companies charge a higher premium than normal for men who’ve married kyuks from these are codes!

The Kamba Woman.

The sex these women will give you… is mind blowing! If you find a Kamba woman who has those beads on her waist, then be ready to have some mind blowing “game”! Surround sound… twists and turns… They are always ready and they’ve got a “skill set” that is unique to them! When a Kamba woman smiles, the world feels like a better place. Her voice can give you an ear-gasm! Problem is… they are “generous” beyond the confines of your marriage! They are good at what they do because of practice! Your bed will break so many times, you might as well sleep on the floor! They are not known for loyalty to their husbands. They will love whoever is available in so many ways! Do not be fooled by their harmless demeanor! If the word “Kamute” doesn’t scare you away from them, I don’t know what will!

The Coasterian Woman.

Her cooking skills will be legendary. Her beauty is unmatched. When she talks to you in that perfect Swahili, you can’t help but melt away! “Twende nikupikie wali wa mnazi…” is all she will say and your mind will be singing to her tune. Common fact though, is that beauty and brains are not best of friends. If you want a lazy mama, who is as daft as a plank of wood and who still believes that the world is flat…then go for a coast woman! Apart from keeping your house neat and tidy, she will not lift a finger-unless she’s applying Heina on her hands or gently swaying to the taarab beat!

And finally… after searching up and down the country… after months of painstaking research…results of which are found on www.youmustbeamoron.co.ke I hereby present to you…

The PERFECT WOMAN!

About ten years ago, these women came with 20 year money-back guarantee! Due to the effects of the world economic crisis, they now come with a 10 year, money-back guarantee! They are caring and loving and will go to extremes for their husbands! Those that drink, can drink you and your friends under the table and carry you home, make you a sumptuous meal and still give you some serious “you know what”! For the women from this community who do not drink, they will wait up for their husbands till whatever hour the bugger decides to crawl home. He will find food waiting, and he will be given a tongue lashing! A serious mouthful of words that can not be repeated. This is not a bad thing. The husband needs to be kept in check! His friends, who drink with him till late, will also not be spared! They will be told to leave her husband alone! She will protect her family and will do anything-almost-to please her husband. They have names that roll off the tongue sweetly. Their names are delicious to the tongue. Names like Kagwiria, Nkirote, Makena… Sweet on the tongue!

If you’ve not figured it out, then keep wondering why I’m writing my blog from Meru. I’m in the hunt for a sweet Meru woman. I’ve got Miraa and Big-G to keep me company on my hunt for the famed Meru “Ten Year Cash Back Guarantee” woman.

What shag have you had today??

“The beats of my heart so fast
His finger tips meet my lips
And the tips on my fingers make me flip
Am maybe I was losing my mind
To yet another loose mind
That expected I spread thighs
With my thighs on spreads
Unfortunately he had to jerk off
And off the jerk went
Remembering his heydays
Days spent on hay”

Elle Ce Ce Nabs – www.myheartscripted.blogspot.com

A friend of mine recently told me that my mind is 99% occupied with thoughts of sex, and 1% of my brain engages in activities that fall in the “others” category. Well, she’s probably RIGHT! The unfortunate part however, is that if Steadman were to do a quick poll, I’d probably be in the percentage that thinks about sex the least. Majority of men have sex on their minds 99.896325% of the time-For details, please visit www.youstupididiot.fo.ol. Now ladies, you probably wonder how exactly a man’s mind can be so pre-occupied with that  and everything else seems to be downgraded to second place. A man’s mind is simple… Show him something that can get him laid, and he will go to the furthest corners of the universe to get it! You doubt me???

They say women use sex to get Love, men however use Love to get sex. It’s a vicious cycle! It’s a cycle that is not about to be broken anytime soon. There are many WAYS of having sex. Some make for interesting reading, some make for wonderful reading and some make for Oh My Goodness” kind of reading. And just for the record, let me state that like hell I’m I letting anyone insert any manner of objects in my ass just because some book said it is stimulating! Back to the matter at hand… I wonder if ladies ever give a second thought to the type of sex that they are getting. Is it the quality, or is it the quantity? Is it the time spent having sex, or is it the times spent not having sex that matters. Ladies, I am here to give you a free lesson on the types of sex a man can have with you! Guys, I’m sorry to let the cat out of the bag, but lets face it, at some point they will get to figure it out!

The Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am!

Ladies, has a man ever had sex with you, promised to call you and all that crap and that was the last time you ever heard from him? He even said he moved house, said he got a job out of the country, or the infamous… “I lost my phone and I didn’t have your number”! Well my dear, do not be offended. It’s simple really, you were a one night stand. He had no intention of seeing you ever again. Not for lunch, not for a drink, not even for coffee. Do not even pop into his place of work just because you were in the neighborhood and wanted to say “Hi”! Accept this fact and you’ll live happily ever after. On the plus side, he probably gave you all he had… he went all out experimenting on stuff you never thought possible..he probably twisted and turned you inside out! You were his experiment so that he can go and try it out at HOME! I’m sure he got all kinky and no man will reach the high he gave you. So DEAL WITH IT!

The Sympathy Shag!

Ladies, did the man tell you a sob story? Has he recently been dumped by hi s long term girlfriend? Has he recently lost his job? I can’t understand how sob stories get a man laid, but they JUST DO! Women have this urge to be the “comforter”. Women have this inbuilt system to show sympathy to anyone that deserves it! All a man has to do is to be on the brink of total and utter destruction and he’ll get laid over and over again! What gets me laughing is when a man who has recently “lost” every penny he had in a pyramid scheme, is buying the mama drinks in an up market bar! Once he spots his prey, all a man has to do is look forlorn, have that lost look in his eye. A handkerchief will come in handy to wipe away “tears” when he is overcome by emotions. Once a mama starts listening to his cock and bull story, she is on her way to giving the man a sympathy shag! Come morning, he will kick you out-A job interview is always a good excuse-and you will never hear from him again! Long live the sympathy shag!

The Pity Shag

What is it with ladies that keeps drawing them back to the ex? I just don’t get it! For some reason, ladies think that to mend a relationship with the ex, a sad story of loosing your distant cousin will do! Now, a man being a creature of habit, will be there for you. He will hold you, let you cry on his shoulder! Everything will feel perfect! Then he will go on to give the best sex you ever had! The following day, the mama will assume that the relationship is back on track. That is until she spots the G-String in the man’s shower and the pair of heels on the shoe rack. Unless the dude has always been gay and you were just too blind to see it, then the painful truth is that the lucky chap just gave you a pity shag! Sad, but TRUE!

The I’d Rather Jerk Off Shag

When you’ve been in a relationship for sometime, well…the sex kinda becomes boring. It’s just a fact of life that every so often, the man will just not feel like shagging you. He knows kesho being Saturday, is clande time. Here you are on Friday demanding for some conjugal rights. The jamaa doesn’t want to make you suspicious as to why he doesn’t want to have sex with you. So he simply gives you a quick one. The shag that’s over even before he’s started. The obvious excuse will always be, “it’s been a long week/day… “ or he will just shrug it off and blame the coffee for his lack of mood. Ladies, men will always want sex. If he doesn’t, then he’s got a dish on the side who is serving up some life altering dishes! If this has happened to you girls, know that your sweetheart, either had sex earlier o is planning to have sex later. JUST NOT WITH YOU! For now, he’d honestly rather jerk off than have sex you!

The Quickie

In a recent survey conducted by my world famous poll masters, 99.238% of men were found to have had “quickies”! This is NEVER with the wife or girlfriend. This is reserved for someone you just met and so it is done at the back of the car, or with the colleague at work late in the evening and you are all alone in the office. This type of shag me likes. It’s like doing something on a hunch! Your gut instincts say go for it. On your bosses chair now! Quick… do not even pretend that this is twisted. It’s been known to happen. Dumb asses have been known to forget security cameras and get fired! Let’s not forget the days in college when you hooked up with a mama after class. It was her way of saying thank you for letting her dub from you!

The Nimeomba Miaka Mingi Sex

Ladies, you flirt with someone for years on end and you’ve never dropped those ngothas for him. One day, you decide to give it to him… at the back of your mind you are probably thinking that it’s the start of something beautiful. That it’s the start of a new chapter. To the jamaa…this is a reward for all the years of work and effort he’s put towards luring you. Today, he plans to get laid all night. No coffee breaks, no water breaks… the guy plans to take out all the years of wishing, wanting and lusting in one night! You will sleep at 3 am and wake up at 6 am and you are back at it again! Just before you leave, he will give you a goodbye shag… the best night of your life is what it is! Do not go assuming that now you have a thing going on! Hapana! You’ve traumatized him for years, you’ve been playing hard to get for years and finally he had you ngothas off and you think it’s a relationship? Now it’s your turn to do the running girlfriend. The guy feels he now has the upper hand and he will treat you as you treated him for dog gone years.

Cougar Sex

Guys always have an attraction towards an older and “more experienced” woman. Guys will always want to hit it with the older mama. Just to measure themselves. They will do it over and over again. It’s just a man’s way of exploring what the older woman has to offer. Older mamas will always have some freaky part in themselves. The cougar is downright nasty. She’s got whips, chains, lashes… handcuffs. She’s the successful mama every man would love to get with! When she gets her “toy-boy”, she doesn’t dare hold back! She goes all out freaky! The cougar should never think she’s in a relationship! This is just a young exploring the so called outer limits. After a week or two, he will get tired and go back to the usual under 18-just buy them airtime-and will quickly forget you.

Not to say my list is exhaustive, but I just want ladies to accept the humble fact that SEX does not mean a relationship. Take it as it is and hard as it may be, do not make anything out of it unless it is specifically stated and in advance! Whoever said money makes the world go round was dead wrong! It is SEX that makes the world go round!

PS- This blog advocates for safe sex practices and NO you DIMWIT, that doesn’t mean you have sex in a police station!

Can’t Cook Like Our Mothers… Can Drink Like Our Fathers

“Them pantyhose aint gonna last too long
If the DJ puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a table cloth
Ya tequila makes her clothes fall off
She’ll start with kickin’ out of her shoes
Loose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink”
Nichols Joe -Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
I have in the past been accused of being rather draconian in my thinking! I’ve been accused of being a man stranded in an ancient time with a tyrant mentality of our forefathers and a chauvinistic mind of pre-agrarian revolution male. This could not be further from the truth. To prove a female friend of mine wrong, I offered to meet up with her on Wednesday evening. Being a mid week, I assumed it’d be a coffee date. So I went armed with a killer smile and my A-Game charm! When we finally met, being the gentleman that I am, I asked what she’d take… “Vodka!” came the answer. Okay… So she wants to have one before hitting the road. That’s fine I thought to myself. I reached to my wallet-which has borne the brunt of the world economic melt down-and bought her the drink. I asked for coffee. Strong and Black. Just like me….

Three hours later and 6 doubles of Vodka later, she started telling me her life story. As she stammered and talked-sometimes in incomplete sentences- I couldn’t help but wonder what ever happened to the woman? What happened to the woman of old who wouldn’t even dare contemplate walking into a pub? I have no qualms about a woman drinking. None at all. God knows I’ve been on the receiving end of some freaky intoxicant induced you know what, but as I have come to find out, we are living in times that would make many senior chiefs of days gone by, turn with disgust in their graves! The questions that’s been on my mind since that day is… “What ever happened to Lady?” It looks like men never really factored the full impact of some Beijing Women’s conference once upon a time. Had we known the true repercussions, then we’d NEVER have entertained our women folk going on a lavish trip to Beijing!

Do not mistake me for discouraging women going out. That’s really upon them. But, I’d like to see a modern woman who still has some sense of traditional ideologies firmly engrained in her. I’m talking of the woman who doesn’t take Pilsner, but she’ll have a glass of Red Wine or Kingfisher. Not the woman who will buy chicken from Kenchic or Galitos, but the woman who will come home, chase around the chicken you brought from shagz over the weekend for an hour, grab the chicken, wring its neck and dip in hot water and two hours later, the aroma of the chicken is attracting the attention of neighbors. Will I be asking for too much, if I said I am looking for a woman who will not want to watch soccer with me…actually scrap that…a woman who cant stand the idea of enduring 90 minutes of men running around after a leather ball all in the name of entertainment. I’m looking for a woman who will watch some lousy Mexican or Nigerian soap and who would give me an evil eye should I dare insinuate that the plot is so obvious. I mean we all know that rich Rodriguez will always fall in love with dirt poor worker called Maria, but the family will always disapprove and instead they’ll want him to marry Barbara. Not forgetting that Rodriguez’s cousin Ramon will already be having an affair with Barbara, and Maria’s mother late mother it will be revealed, had an affair once with Rodriguez’s father and so chances are high that the same Maria-who Rodriguez is in love with-is the product of this rather curious liaison. I think I got that just right!

Somebody please tell me, when it became acceptable for me to walk into the house after a drunken binge at 11, open the gate for myself, and then stagger all the way to my room and sleep. Guys can tell you what is all wrong with this scenario. First, I did not call mama to TELL her to open the gate for me. Secondly, I went straight to sleep without anybody as much as offering me a hot meal. Thirdly, nobody was there to ask where I’ve been. Fourth, nobody asked me not to even dare think of getting “something something” tonight because God knows where I’ve been and worse still, I smell like I’ve been employed as the official taster of drinks at EABL! The reason this scenario is all wrong is because I had the audacity neigh naivety to encourage the so called “modern woman” to come into my life! Meaning, I walked in wasted at 11, she on the other hand wanted to stay on and have another drink or two at the bar, and she walked in at 2 am high as a kite! She drunk all my pals right under the table and tequila shots have nothing on her. I’m I missing something here? I’m I wrong in whining about this so called “independent woman?” My people…. My good people, the Swahili proverb says, “Ukiona mwenzako ananyolewa, pia chako tia maji!” for my global readers it means…”If you see your friend being shaved, then start pouring water on your head”-A lot is lost in translation! If this drama is happening to Raymond… then guys, start prepping yourself up for some tough times up ahead!

In my recent survey, whose results are contained in detail in my website-www.youstupididiot.fo.ol-I show the number of men undergoing this emotional abuse. The survey also details the number of men with “mpango wa Kando” and the reasons for the “Mpango Wa Kando”. I think as men, its time we stood up to what we believe in. Like Chris Rock, I believe in getting “the big piece of chicken”. Like Moi, I believe in having the Mrs out of site and silently catering for my every need and turning a blind eye to my transgressions. Like the late Kamangu, I believe I should be entitled to conjugal rights at all times, regardless of the current position of the Mrs or my current situations. Like my good friend Peter, I believe that the Mrs should not doze off before I get home. She should sleep with one eye open until I get home. Once I get home, just the slightest of knocks should awake her! Call me draconian. I refuse to change with the times. Today morning, I was in a matatu recklessly driven by a miraa chewing WOMAN. When I got to town, I was sold for a newspaper by a WOMAN and I’ve just been flashed by my househelp asking about water. Guess what? He is a MAN! Things have indeed fallen apart. Our women still cant cook like our MOTHERS used to, but they surely can drink like our FATHERS!

Its Like Kama sutra… Regardless Of The Position You Still Get SCREWED!

“Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you”

James Blunt-Goodbye my lover.

Theirs something baking in the Kitchen cabinet… Sources in the know at State House, have intimated to me that when the dish is finally served on the table of Kenyans, it will bite and it will hurt! This dish seeks to serve revenge as it should be served… COLD!

I am a very well connected man. Unlike most who claim to know people in all the high places, I strive on the fact that I know people in all the low places. The difference between me and others is that I can get whatever I want done. I know the guys who mop certain corridors and will every so often hear certain things. I know guys who do photocopying for certain offices, and every so often, I get copies of documents that would scare the knickers out of any granny! Now, my latest acquisition courtesy of lowly and very well placed people at the State House itself, is a copy of the proposed Marriage Bill! I hired a team of the most crooked lawyers I could find to comb through it. This bill my friend, is the downfall of a man’s best friend- His CLANDE!

What this bill proposes is that a man can not have TWO WIVES without permission from the first wife! Now this is just ridiculous. Guys, please tell me… I beg of you, please tell me how exactly I’m supposed to go to my wife on a fine Sunday afternoon and look her straight in the eye and utter the following words… “Honey, I need your permission for something…?” “What? You wanna take up another loan?” Is what she’ll ask… “Sweetheart, you know Angie? The hot mama who you saw me with last Friday?” I’ll reply… “oh yeah, the one who was wearing a very short skirt and had half her cleavage out?” She’ll go on… “Yes Dear. Well I’d like to marry her-If that’s Okay with you…” I’ll probably say. Now from here, it gets a little bit tricky. Just a weeny bit tricky. I’ve thought about it, and in my dreams, the conversation then goes “Well sure! That’ll be great honey! I’m so happy for you. We are going to be one huge kinky family. We can have a threesome everyday!” “You are so sweet darling. I knew you’d understand!” REALITY however is that I will probably get kicked out of the house-without a court order-and I’ll be lucky to get away with all my bones intact. She’ll probably use expletives in her conversation and she’ll be wailing about how some woman is trying to ruin her family! Guys, what type of law is this? Why should the lives men be put at risk? Why are we crucifying our very well beloved Clandes?

Ladies, you must be thinking that this bill is what God’s answer to your problems. Trust me… IT IS NOT! Theirs this guy you fell madly in Love with. You are the fast rising lawyer, or engineer… he is tuck pushing papers in some government office with no hint of prosperity in sight. You hook up, get married and well, things could be better, but you are comfortable. You get that dream job you’ve been angling for in Mongolia. The money you’ll be earning is beyond your wildest dreams. This is the job that will see you move away from Lang’ata to where all new money lives… Runda! Now you pack your stuff, kiss him goodbye at the airport and off you go. You know you’ll be back in six months for some much needed rest, relaxation and some steamy you don’t even wanna guess what! So, there you are in outer Mongolia, fending for you and your hubby. You send money home every month… your hubby has bought property in Lavington-under both your names-and things are looking up. While you were away, he’s been galavanting all over the city, balling like a true player. The dude quits his job-why should he keep working for his measly pay-and soon, he hooks up with this stunning beauty. She’s straight off college and she’s spanking hot. She does things to him that you consider “gross”! She’s got her A game all out. You get back, and you say… “I want a DIVORCE!” He smiles and looks at you, and he jumps up and down… his dreams are answered! “YES!” comes his answer as he punches his fist in the air! He knows, all the property acquired while you were married will be SPLIT IN HALF! And it doesn’t end there! It gets worse. You will have to cater for his upkeep. You will have to maintain his standard. His standard and that of his new found catch! Life is a bitch aint it!

Chances are high that no sane woman will allow-and in writing no less-her one and only husband to marry another woman. This is not something she’ll even give a second thought to. Now, if she asks for a divorce and it’s the man who had the money in the relationship, then who suffers? THE CLANDE! Reality is, that most “kept women” are in the relationship for the money! It’s the car the man gives her. It’s the rent the man pays. It’s the holidays they go for together in some far flung areas of this world. Basically, she’s in it for the good life. Now, why on earth would a Clande risk loosing HALF of what she’s entitled to in the name of marriage? The math here just does not add up! Never ever! If the man divorces his wife, she goes with half his wealth and he still has to pay for her upkeep. This will mean that the Clande will walk into this guy’s life and find him miserable and angry. He’s just lost half and he may end up being played in the deal. Haven’t you heard of people who got into a 50:50 deal where the woman keeps the house and the man keeps up the mortgage payment? Or the land may divided equally and the man’s half ends being a road reserve or maybe his half just happens to be in Mau forest! The Clande will be punishing herself. She’s better off right now! As it stands, the man can just decide to marry the Clande, and she’ll be entitled to her FAIR share of the man’s worth. Property in most customs is divided as per “houses”! She’ll get half the share should the man “accidentally” fall into a pit latrine or get run over by a tractor… or die in some other crude manner- Yeah, women can be nasty! This whole bill will kill the Clande. Its going to be impossible to even have a Clande. You just might get caught and the Mrs may decide she wants a divorce. Why should I risk that anyway?

My final questions are…Why does the government want to play it rough? Why do they want to want to ruin a co-existence we enjoy. As the saying goes, If it aint broke, then don’t try to fix it! I suggest we all-yes ALL means both Men and Women-register on my online petition. www.areyoufuckinginsane.co.ke and lets stop this insanity. Lets scream out loud and be heard by the gods of Clandes and the gods of immoral justice. Lets shout to the world. We DON’T WANT THIS LAW. As the title states, this law is like the Kama sutra.  Regardless Of The Position You Take, You’ll Still Get SCREWED!