For The She Who Counts To He.

“Why don’t you stay the evening
Kick back and watch the TV
And Ill fix a little something to eat
Oh I know your back hurts from working on the tractor
How do you take your coffee my sweet
I will raise the children if you pay all the bills

Where is my john Wayne
Where is my prairie son
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone”

Paula Cole- Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

I love my Local Pub. It is here that I get to hear of great tales and legends. Sunday afternoon proved no different. As always I sat with “the boys” at a corner discussing this and that! Twas more like whiling the Sunday afternoon away! They say there is always calm before a big storm. And sure enough, the storm came! The wife of one of the boys walked in, fuming and with two babies in tow! Obviously we all scampered for safety and left our “boy” to the elements of an angry Woman! This episode however got me thinking… where are the REAL MEN? Can the REAL MEN stand up and be counted? Can the REAL MEN stand up for their families, for their wives, for their girlfriends- Please stand as appropriate!

African men have never been known to have chivalry as a trait! They are instead known for bumming under a tree waiting for the heavens to drop food from the sky. For years, this worked out pretty well. All a self respecting African man needed to do was to marry multiple wives and then father as many children as possible so that he would have sufficient laborers for his expansive land.  Life was true bliss for this Neanderthal! He’d wake up and his porridge was ready. His wives would bow as he entered his hut and they were to ensure that he had a sufficient supply of Muratina, Busaa or Mnazi! By 10 a.m, he was already under some tree lording over his family as they slaved away in the fields. They were slave drivers of the worst kind. Come evening, all he had to do was cough and they wives knew by the cough who among them was to give conjugal rights that day! That was then… Unfortunately, some men have refused to evolve. They are hell bent on proving that Darwin’s Theory of Evolution was flawed. I kid you not when I say that many a man have had their reality cheques bounce!

They say that Kamba men will have a wife and girlfriend. He will Love his muhindi employer the most. The Luo man will have two wives and a girlfriend. He will love his neighbor’s wife the most. The Kalenjin man will have a wife and girlfriend. He will love his tractor the most. The Kikuyu man will have a wife and a girlfriend. He loves his girlfriend the most. The Luhya man will have a wife and a girlfriend. Unfortunately, he will make Love to his goat the most! The connecting string here is that, men will never be content. At what point does a man really settle down. At what point will he say he is satisfied with the woman he has chosen as his one and only?

Any good woman. Any lady,  worth her salt will expect to be treated with dignity and respect. Give her the attention. Give her the 10 minutes she craves for in your tight hands. Give her the loving she desires! Guys… Tusker sold over 10.5MILLION bottles of in the year 2008. Trust me when I say EABL will not miss you if you chose to spend Saturday afternoon with the one you Love. Women expect to be treated in a certain way. They don’t expect to know directions. That’s the man’s job. They do not expect to pay for dinner. They do not even carry their ID cards. That’s the man’s job. The man is expected to know all these things. It is up to the man to keep his woman happy. He should be the one tracking finances. He should be the one to ensure that the bacon is brought home and in sufficient quantities, economic crisis or not! The mark of a real man is not how many cars he drives. Its not the power he wields at work. Its not his ability to walk into the bar and proclaim “Chafua meza!”. His sole duty lies in making his woman happy. Make her smile. Give her reason to fall in love with you all over again every single day. The art of chivalry should not be stuff for the movies. Guys, make her feel special. Make her feel like she’s got the right man. With time, I admit, emotions like Love or even hate seem to fizzle out, but with the woman who well and truly loves you, a simple act of sending her a dozen roses for no reason at all, or a gesture like a kiss in the middle of Tom Mboya Street normally goes a long way!

Guys, how we expect our women to be loyal, loving and warm if we don’t take a moment out of our day, just a moment, to think about them and to appreciate them. We whine endlessly about the mothers of our children. We whine endlessly in the bar about how she’s making your life a living hell. Reality though is that, she is the glue in your life. Women expect to be talked to. They expect that if you have a bad day, you will tell them about it and not shut them out. Women expect that if they are having bad days, you will be there with an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on! The heart of a woman is a very delicate item. If she gives you her heart, then take good care of it. Treat her heart better than you treat your own. Treat the woman in your life like the queen that she is. Women are always looking for the “happy ever after” story. Happy ever does exist. She wants her happy ever after story to be with you. She married you knowing that she wanted to be the mother of your kids. She married you knowing that one day; she will grow old and grey with you. She will go to the lengths of this universe to make you happy. However, the man changes and wants time with his “boys”. The same boys who will introduce him to miscellaneous escapades and poison him with strip club visits! Guys, love doesn’t end when she says “I Love You!” Loving her doesn’t end the day she agrees to commit to you. Loving her on the contrary STARTS the day you commit to a relationship with her! Every day she awakes, she wants a new reason to Love you. She wants re-assurance that she made the right choice. She’d not mind sleeping on the streets as long as you are there to keep her warm when the chill sets in. A woman in Love with you will not mind if you were stranded in a remote island with no help in sight. As long as she has you by her side, she will make the best of these moments.

Perhaps what men seem to forget is that it’s never the grand gestures of Love that you show once in blue moon. It’s not the romantic trip you took with her to Tahiti 5 years ago that show the measure of your love. It is the small things that matter. It is the kiss you will generously plant on her lips when you meet. It is the lingering hug you give her, just to tell her she is still the one. It is the trip you take to her shagz in the middle of an El-Nino season just to visit her grandmother. Women Love with all their hearts. Let’s give a toast to the women in our lives. Tell her that you Love her. Tell her she is the one. Tell her she still makes your heart go “yodi yodi”…Tell her she still spins your world. Tell her she still is THE ONE! Send her some flowers today. After all, to quote a rather unlikely source “I Love You For Free and I’m Not Your Mother…”