January 24, 2013 Leave a comment
“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
‘Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it’s just a part of it:
We’ve got to fullfil the book.
Won’t you help to sing
This songs of freedom-
‘Cause all I ever have:
Redemption Songs- Bob Marley.
First, I would like to ask…. What the hell is this Gubernato-whatever nonsense that we keep talking about? When did it become difficult to just call it “Governatorial Race”… Or “Governor’s Race…” or even “Race to be Governor”? This reminds me of the reasons why I hate math. The fact that I was never any good at it aside, but I hated math when first, math decided to never mature and solve its own problems, two; regardless of the number of ‘x’s I found, they never seemed to be enough. Nobody ever asked me to for example, find ‘r’ or, hey.. I think the letter W, is a pretty decent find. The other reason I hated math, was when some ‘highly unclever’ fellow, decided to replace numbers with letters. You don’t believe me? Well, lets solve this problem together…
Let then number of Mangos be X and the number of pineapples are Y… If we add Z number of oranges, what do we get? My answer, is W Fruit salad. Logic right? However, some mathematician is busy trying to conjure up some insane formula and methodology to solve the darn problem. Frustrated much?
Back to my ‘Gubernato-whatever’ rant… When did we complicate our lives? Last I checked, its only the Kalenjin, who were allowed to shrub by replacing ‘V’ with the letter ‘P’ or ‘B’. Case in point; “Padrig and Pinicent are blaying with a Pall’…(Patrick and Vincent are playing with a ball) Now even the town folk are replacing ‘V’ with ‘B’… Case in point.. Governor..’Guberna-whatever’.
Away from phonetics and such. This is the time when we all become seasoned political analysts. We all suddenly have this urge to analyse,diagnose,remdy and offer the best political advise. aI am writing this hoping to be called by Julie on Sunday and I can offer my two cents worth of analysis to all and sundry! If you have Larry Madowo’s Number, tell him I am now an ‘Actual Expert’ and I can be in studio as well! Being the political pundit/heavy-weight/analyst,veteran loud mouth, I have an expert commentary on the Guberna-… that one race!
Jimnah Mbaru is now in the race to become NAIROBI GOVERNOR! He has affirmed himself to be on the ballot come March the 4th 2013. We already had two main candidates, Waititu a.k.a ‘Baba Yao’ a.k.a YT2 and Kidero who I hereby call R2D2.. (The man deserves a cool a.k.a as well).
Let me tell you a story;
3 monkeys were in a new forest. They didn’t know the spread of the land and so they were jumping around from tree to tree, generally doing what they do best; monkey business, and as this was virgin territory, they were starving, each in desperate need of just one banana. It is recommended that monkeys have at least one banana every five days! On day five, they stumbled upon a loot. The three monkeys stumbled upon two bananas. Now, if they shared this banana equally, then no monkey would be live. None of them was willing to forego his share of the banana as that would mean certain death.
One monkey however, had a plan. His plan was ingenious. He knew that should it come to a fight, the two other monkeys, were bigger and more agile than he was, and so, he would come out the worse if it came to that. He decided to commit the ultimate crime. He took the two bananas, ripe as they were, and handed them over to his opponents. He then took up position in a corner and gave a timid and defeated look to his bigger rivals. The two monkeys now in possession of a full banana each, decided not to be cruel to a fellow monkey. They had come too far together. What did they do? Well, they each cut their bananas in half and each handed over half to the timid looking monkey in the corner. They both felt sympathetic to this weak monkey in the corner. This silly looking, timid monkey ended up with a full banana in the process as the other two each ended up with half! No prizes for guessing who won that contest!
Back to the Nairobi Gubernatorial (I finally got it.. that was hard) race… no prizes for who will be Governor (Can I say Gubernor?) come March the 5th 2013 and let’s just say, two monkeys will regret ever underestimating the cunning ability of a certain YT2!
Now go to your corner and weep!